


Geralt of Rivia and his Pocket-sized Headache Machine.

by SheWritesDirty



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: And By That I Mean, Blood, Canon-Typical Violence, Deepthroating, Geralt struggles with his feelings, Geralt suffers bodily harm and mental anguish, Hair-pulling, Heroic Ghoul Slaying, I'm not sorry, Jaskier ruins the mood, M/M, Oral Sex, because it be like that, sappy shit at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-25 14:46:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22297684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheWritesDirty/pseuds/SheWritesDirty
Summary: Geralt just wants Jaskier tostop talking… Jaskier never stops talking.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 5
Kudos: 122





	Geralt of Rivia and his Pocket-sized Headache Machine.

**Author's Note:**

> OH HELLO THERE. The Witcher has completely and utterly distracted me from the things I am _supposed _to be working on, and as much as I tried to put it off I just needed to write something. I’ve not played the games nor read the books, so really this is just me stumbling along with just the most MINIMAL amount of information.  
>   
>  _Please excuse my horrendous attempts to give life to music for Jaskier to sing, no one will ever ask me why I am not a lyricist after reading this._  
> _  
>  ⚔️ **I make up for it with some graphic monster slaying.** ⚔️  
> _

The Bard was singing another one of his new ballads, and of course, it was about Geralt - as they _all_ were. Somewhere deep inside, Geralt was embarrassingly pleased with that... it was almost like- like he _enjoyed_ the way Jaskier would go on about him. Which was something the Witcher would never admit to anyone else, _especially_ present company.

“Jaskier.”

Two blue pools of deceptively innocent light peered up in question at Geralt. “Yes?”

“I beg you to be silent, for even a _moment_.” Geralt’s voice turned almost pleading, annoyance building with how the Bard always managed to bring a less composed version of himself out.

“Well perhaps if you shared Roach, I wouldn’t need to sing to distract myself… How long _have_ we been walking?” Jaskier whined. They had been on the road for quite some time, and they weren’t any nearer the next town for it. Geralt had been distracted by numerous side quests as he often was - except usually, he traveled alone, and while he was perfectly at home sleeping in the woods in a makeshift campsite... Jaskier was, undoubtedly, a fish out of water.

Rather than offer Jaskier a ride, he simply grunted as if to signal the end of the conversation. Jaskier didn’t hesitate to pick up his song where he had left off, much to Geralt's despair.

_~And I must admit, that he has a very nice bottom indeed, many nights i’ve rubbed chamomile upon it, whenever he was in need~_

“If you sing that in company, I will hurt you.” Geralt warned grumpily, knowing full well that it was an empty threat.

Jaskier gasped with false indignation, “But Geralt! I am tasked with chronicling your adventures as I witness them! Leaving out details would be dishonest to our- _oh!_ ” Geralt’s strong arm reached down, hand gripping firmly at the back of Jaskier’s clothes and lifted him up with ease, setting him down solidly on the back of Roach. The Bard’s hands came to grab at Geralt’s sides in an attempt to steady himself.

“No more talking.” Geralt said gruffly. Jaskier hummed pleasantly behind him, and Geralt tried _very_ hard not to enjoy riding together like this. Jaskier did not stop talking, except now the sound of the Bard’s voice was just that much closer to his ear. Geralt wondered what he had done in his life to deserve this…

~*~ 

When night fell and Geralt could no longer justify pushing on with Roach, he pulled to a stop near a clearing. There was an abandoned campsite that looked as if it hadn’t been used in ages, and he swiftly set to piling scattered branches in the soot blackened ring of stone.

Jaskier blinked sleepily as he climbed down from Roach, he had drifted off mid ramble at some point during their trek. There had been plenty of times when Jaskier talked until Geralt was so bored that he had fallen asleep, but he had never seen the Bard talk _himself_ to sleep before.

“Do you need help?” Jaskier asked, already stooping to gather branches. Geralt simply grunted, Jaskier for the most part had learned to tell apart affirmative grunts from negative ones in his time spent with the Witcher. 

As soon as they had gathered enough kindling, the fire was lit with Geralt’s flint and steel. He fished out dried meat from a satchel among their packed things, and passed some to Jaskier who accepted it with a pinched face.

“What I wouldn’t give for a warm meal…” Jaskier said dramatically, biting into the stringy meat with a bitter expression. Geralt groaned, if he had to suffer another night of Jaskier complaining he was going to lose his mind.

“I could let you fend for yourself.” Geralt warned and Jaskier rolled his eyes, reluctantly chewing on. Sure the meat wasn't much - but it was better than nothing.

The next complaint to leave Jaskier’s mouth was “It’s cold.”

He was huddled close to the fire but Geralt could still see the shiver that ran through his slight frame. Geralt's brain unhelpfully supplied plenty of ways in which he might warm the Bard up, instead he rose to fish the old woolen blanket out of his pack.

“ _The things I do…_ ” He muttered to Roach, who huffed a breath of hot, sympathetic air. He patted his faithful steed on the rump before he turned back to the campfire. He threw the blanket over the back of Jaskier, who flinched as its heavy weight folded over him.

“I should write a verse of your chivalry, how Geralt of Rivia would not stand for his companion to shiver in the cold of the night.” Jaskier spoke loftily, in that way he did when he was romanticising things.

“I can still take it back.” Geralt warned, poking at the fire for lack of anything better to do.

“You wouldn’t.” Jaskier said with an entirely too knowing smile for Geralt’s liking. He simply grunted back, in an attempt to end this conversation as quickly as it had cropped up.

_~Geralt of Rivia, never to let a fair maiden shiver in the cold, would drape his cloak across her shoulders...~ ___

__“A fair maiden, for your reputation of course. And a cloak in place of this-” Jaskier sniffs at the old woolen blanket and pulls a face. “Is this your horse blanket? It smells like a damn _barn_.”_ _

__Geralt was unsure why Jaskier felt the need to explain his lyrics, the man _never_ sang of what actually happened. “I’m going to sleep, if you would be _quiet_.” His voice rumbled with his annoyance, as he flopped over as if to punctuate his statement._ _

__“Aren’t you cold?” Jaskier asked lightly, Geralt could picture his stupid, concerned face - even though his own eyes were shut tight, ‘ _Sleeping. Do not answer_.’ He thought._ _

__“No.” His mouth betrayed him. He could hear Jaskiers soft humm, as if the Bard didn't believe him. And then the soft weight of the other man settled beside him, a corner of the wool blanket was thrown over him. “What are you doing?” Geralt asked, body stilling._ _

__“Relax.” Jaskier said from behind him, warm breath ghosting over the back of his neck. “I know you’re far too manly to admit that you’re cold.”_ _

__Geralt simply grunted, he felt his skin heating at the closeness of the other man. Jaskier shifted until he was pressed ever so slightly against the Witcher’s back, he wondered idly if the Bard knew what he was doing - if this was _meant_ to be a torture. He could hear the soft breathing, _feel_ the rise and fall of Jaskier’s chest - and it was almost unbearable - he was - he _couldn’t_ -_ _

__“ _Jaskier_.” He grit out, surprised by the heavy sound of his own voice. And then he was rolling over, pressing his weight into the Bard - It was like his body was moving of its own accord. Jaskier made this tiny sound of surprise under him, and Geralt groaned in response._ _

__“Geralt! You’re uh - _Gods_ , you’re hard.” He stated, as if Geralt weren't already painfully aware of this fact._ _

__“Am I?” He growled into the soft skin of Jaskier’s neck. He pressed his lips there as he spoke, a desperate urge to _taste_ clouding his senses._ _

__“Most definitely - Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned maidens earlier.” Jaskier’s voice was pitched a note higher than normal as he spoke in a rushed, nervous manner. Geralt’s thoughts turned sour at Jaskier’s attempt to make light of this, and he shoved himself away with a huff._ _

__“Wait-” Jaskier called as Geralt stood, stalking away from their campsite, away from the Bard, away from anything that might humiliate him further. “I said _wait_ \- Geralt, I’m sorry… Would you wait?!” Geralt could hear him crashing through the underbrush behind him, tripping over fallen branches and snapping twigs as he followed. Geralt stopped, suddenly listening intently, Jaskier stumbled straight into his back._ _

__“Ow! I didn’t think you’d actually listen.” Jaskier said miserably behind him._ _

__“Quiet.” Geralt’s voice bit out sharply, his tone must have conveyed the warning appropriately - because Jaskier stilled and fell silent behind him. Geralt cursed himself for walking off into the woods without his sword, a small amount of comfort brought by the fact that his dagger was still resting in its sheath against his hip. The sound filtered in through the darkness, the sickeningly wet snap of flesh tearing from bones._ _

__“Fuck.” Geralt drew his weapon as the sound turned into haunting snarls... The Ghouls were on them in a matter of seconds, three of them, Geralt quickly counted. One made a lunge for Jaskier, who was pressed close to Geralt’s back. He spun them, grabbing Jaskier’s arm and flinging him out of the path of the Ghoul’s clawed hand._ _

__He slashed out with the silver blade of his dagger, rending a chunk of necrotic flesh from the Ghoul. It let out a horrible screech as it wheeled away from them, tumbling across the forest floor as it’s wound burnt from the touch of silver. The other two Ghouls hesitated only for a moment, before taking their chance to dive in on them - both coming at once._ _

__Geralt knew he couldn’t protect both Jaskier and himself, he knocked the Bard out of the path of the second of the Ghouls only to have it tear into the muscle on his arm - needle sharp teeth and claws indistinguishable from one another as they sliced through his skin. On his other flank he caught the third Ghoul straight in the neck with his dagger, pulling the knife away in an arc, and leaving a deadly, gaping wound behind._ _

__The third Ghoul fell to the ground dead, and Geralt drew his attention to the one that was currently stripping the flesh from his arm. He sunk his dagger deep into the eye socket of the beast, shoving it away from him as it wailed in pain. He finished it off with a final swing of his weapon, and as he turned to face the remaining Ghoul, he saw the tail end of it skittering off into the wall of trees around them._ _

__As his adrenaline from the encounter faded, the pain in his arm was becoming impossible to ignore. Geralt turned to Jaskier, the Bard was sprawled out on the ground - a spray of blood dashed across his chest and face - Geralt was unsure whether it was from the Ghoul or his own arm. The Bard looked absolutely shaken, wide eyed and staring back at Geralt with a mix of fear and concern._ _

__“Your arm!” Jaskier said in a choked voice. Geralt wondered how often the Bard had come face to face with this sort of thing, not very, if the way he had paled at the sight of Geralt’s blood was anything to go by._ _

__“It’s nothing.” The Witcher grunted, reaching out with his good arm to pull Jaskier up._ _

__“ _Nothing?!_ ” Jaskier exclaimed incredulously. “I’m pretty sure I can see your bone through that- ” He broke off in the middle of his sentence to dry heave, “That _is_ deep…” He finished woozily._ _

__“I just need to get to my things.” Geralt said stiffly, picking his way back to camp._ _

__“This is your fault I hope you realize, if you hadn't stormed off like a damned child - none of this would have happened!” Geralt sighed as Jaskiers shrill voice went on and on about all the ways Geralt was stubborn, self endangering, completely unconcerned with the consequences of his actions._ _

__“If I had let the Ghouls have you I imagine I could have gotten out of that unscathed.” Geralt said dryly, stepping back into the clearing of their campsite. He fell heavily to sit on the felled log in front of the now dying fire, trying desperately not to think of what had driven them out into the treeline in the first place._ _

__Jaskier went blissfully quiet, and Geralt figured he had better take advantage of that while he could. Except the Bard was rummaging through his pack, and watching Jaskier shuffle his things around carelessly was _almost_ more painful than the wound on his arm._ _

__“What are you doing?” He asked stiffly._ _

__“Well - since you didn’t let the Ghouls have at me, I suppose the least I can do is patch you up.” Jaskier answered, pulling a roll of bandages out of Geralt’s pack triumphantly._ _

__“Be careful with those.” Geralt instructed, as Jaskier pulled out several bottles from his satchel and held them up._ _

__“Which one of these might be for healing festering Ghoul bites?” Jaskier asked as he eyed them suspiciously. Geralt grunted and motioned towards the one clasped in the Bard’s right hand. As soon as Jaskier set the vial in Geralt’s hands, he uncorked it and poured it over his wounds - hissing as the liquid burned unforgivingly._ _

__Jaskier knelt in front of Geralt, taking hold of his arm. His fingers light on Geralt’s skin, as if he was afraid to hurt him further. As he began wrapping the Witcher’s arm, he kept his eyes trained on the task at hand - never once looking up to catch Geralt staring back down at him._ _

__“You know…” Jaskier began, breaking the silence ”I dare say we’d be having a much better night, if you hadn’t run off like that.” Geralt watched as a flush crept onto Jaskiers skin, cheeks turning pink and blotchy with his embarrassment._ _

__“I wasn’t exactly opposed to it.” The Bard continued, hands fumbling for a moment with the bandages before tying it off. His hands fell to rest lightly on Geralt’s spread thighs, peering up at him through thick, dark lashes. Geralt could feel his cock thickening at the sight of Jaskier between his legs, looking up at him imploringly._ _

__“Fuck.” Geralt said, unsure if he was cursing the missed opportunity or in anticipation of what was to come._ _

__“Should we?” Jaskier replied coyly, a small smile playing across his lips. Geralt merely groaned, and Jaskier laughed, soft and warm. Then he was leaning down to press a kiss softly against Geralt’s thigh._ _

__“I don’t know what I expected-” He breathed out, “You are a man of few words, after all.” Jaskier’s kisses were trailing closer to Geralt’s lap._ _

__“You speak enough for the both of us.” Geralt voice was strained, struggling to keep his composure with Jaskier’s mouth so close to his cock. The Bard replied by pulling open the laces of Geralt’s pants with his teeth. Jaskier’s nimble fingers danced across the leather momentarily, before slipping in and freeing Geralt from the restraint of his pants. His cock was thick and flushed, curving ever so slightly to the right. Jaskier swallowed thickly as he laid eyes on it, hands curling softly around the base._ _

__“You _are_ big - well done.” It seemed as though Jaskier was wavering in his confidence. “I really should have expected nothing less from the infamous Butcher of Blaviken, did they all choke on your massive co-”_ _

__“ _Jaskier…_ ” Geralt warned, fisting his hand into the Bards hair and tugging him forwards. “Get on with it.” _ _

__Jaskier scoffed as his lips came into contact with the head of Geralt's cock, "Someone’s impatient." he murmured softly, lips brushing against the sensitive tip. Geralt groaned, tightening his grip until Jaskier could feel the sting of it. The Bard seemed to take the hint, pushing his head forward and taking Geralt down slowly._ _

__Jaskier licked a half-circle along the edge of his cockhead, before pushing on until at least half of Geralt’s shaft was resting heavily in his mouth. Geralt fought the urge to close his eyes at the surge of pleasure that spiked through him. He didn’t want to miss a second of this, Jaskier’s eyes glancing up at him with the same piercing openness that they always had, flush on his face, pink lips stretched nicely around his cock._ _

__He tugged Jaskier roughly forward, and he watched intently as the Bard’s eyelids fluttered. The tip of Geralt’s cock hit the back of Jaskier’s throat firmly, and the smaller man made a tiny choking sound - yet he seemed determined not to lose control, focusing his gaze back on Geralt’s eyes as if in challenge._ _

__And then he angled his head and took Geralt the rest of the way in, until his nose rest gently against the wiry, silver hair nestled at the base of the Witcher’s cock. Jaskier’s throat was so soft and slick that Geralt almost lost it there. He let out a rumbling growl when Jaskier swallowed thickly, he could feel the Bard’s throat constricting around him._ _

__Jaskier pulled half off him again, only to bob his head back down - taking Geralt to the hilt a second time. The Bard hummed around his length, and Geralt could feel the vibration rolling through his cock. Geralt’s toes curled in his boots, and his hand tugged impatiently at Jaskier's hair. The urge to fuck up into the wet heat of Jaskier’s mouth was overwhelming, and the Bard’s hands pressing softly into his hips were doing little to hold him back._ _

__“ _Can I_ -” His question cut off - frustrated with not knowing how to ask for what he wanted. He tugged pointedly at Jaskier’s hair and shifted his hips up slightly. The Bard’s eyes flicked up to lock with his, watching for a moment before nodding. _ _

__Geralt pulled Jaskier’s head back, dragging his cock nearly free from the Bard’s mouth before pushing him back down. A rumbling moan sounded from Geralt’s chest, the mere idea of having Jaskier’s mouth at his command… The Witcher would never admit out loud how much that thought aroused him, how utterly _consumed_ with it he was. _ _

__He picked up a punishing pace, driving his cock into Jaskier’s throat with fervor -The Bard’s fingers bit sharply into Geralt’s hip, and he tried to swallow the saliva that was pooling under his tongue, strands of it coating Geralt’s cock. A trail of it dripped down Jaskier’s chin and the Witcher thought idly of sweeping it away with his thumb._ _

__Then Jaskier’s hand drew away from his hips to fumble at the fastenings of his own pants, slipping under the fabric to palm himself. The Bard moaned throatily around Geralt, whose hips snapped up, urged on by the sound of Jaskier’s own pleasure. Geralt pulled him down, pressing his cock deep into the Bard’s throat. His eye’s screwed shut and his muscles tensed, he could feel his release building, the tell tale throb in his balls that signaled it was out of his control._ _

__“ _Fuck-_ ” Geralt hissed as he came in Jaskiers throat, even without much of a warning the Bard dutifuly swallowed all of it. The smaller man tapped lightly at Geralt’s thigh, and through the haze of his afterglow he only barely had the cognizance to allow Jaskier to pull off of his softening cock._ _

__As soon as he was free Jaskier surged forward into Geralt’s lap, pushing up the Witcher's tunic and rutting helplessly against Geralt’s naked abdomen. Their lips found one another and the Bard’s tongue swept desperately into his mouth, flitting about like a bird in a cage. Geralt could taste his own musk and saltiness on the Bard’s tongue, and he was surprised by how much it satisfied him to know that Jaskier now tasted of him._ _

__Jaskier pitched a high, stuttering moan into Geralt’s mouth as his climax splashed across the Witchers stomach. And then the Bard slumped, boneless, against Geralt’s broad frame. They both took a moment, silence in the woods around them - only the sound of their own heavy breathing as they tried to catch their breath, and the occasional, pleasant huff from Roach._ _

__“It seems like I’ve finally found a way to shut you up.” Geralt said, sounding far more fond than he had intended. He realized his hand was still tangled in Jaskiers hair, and he unwound it gently._ _

__“You’re a scoundrel, I can’t believe I love you.” Jaskier said, voice rasping from the strain of being thoroughly face fucked. He flushed deeply, clearly embarrassed with what he had let slip out. “I mean - obviously I don’t _love_ you, that would be… ridiculous… This is obviously just - I mean I _did_ have a lovely time, your cock is magnificent- But it’s clearly too soon to say- what I mean is-”_ _

__Geralt pressed the palm of his hand into his temple, rubbing as the beginnings of a headache threatened to crop up. “I love you too.” Geralt said with a suffering sigh, the Bard’s mouth snapped shut._ _

__“You aren’t kidding, are you?” Jaskier finally said, leaning back on Geralt’s lap. The Bard searched his face and apparently found his expression satisfyingly serious. “Oh, I can’t believe this… Geralt of Rivia loves _me_ , little old Jaskier - Well I am quite dashing, if I do say so myself… I am going to have to write a song about this!”_ _

__“Fuck.” Geralt stood, dumping the bundle of annoying bardic energy off his lap onto the hard ground._ _

**Author's Note:**

> I flip flopped between like, three different ways of writing this fic - but I just really wanted to keep it short, so I had to shuffle things around and wound up scrapping a large chunk of it, I just wanted to share with you all this one bit that I regretfully had to cut. 
> 
> **One does not simply roll over and manhandle ones traveling companion without their permission.**
> 
> If you like what I do, go sub to my [Tumblr!](https://saidzu.tumblr.com/) It's still under construction, but like - I’m gonna start taking prompts over there... _she said extremely optimistically and without any concern for her own sanity._


End file.
